Alpha Mail: hamstrung by scars

MC is having a tough time recovering from a hard rejection:

I wanted to take you back to your post on April 4th of this year, "Breaking the Scars."  In particular;

"It wasn't pride that kept Chris from hooking up with girls who wouldn't give him the time of day one year before, it was fear that they were going to reject him at some point and thereby invalidate all the positive changes that had taken place in his life."

I going through a period of improvement in my life when I met a beautiful young co-worker.  When I met her I was making 16 dollars and hour and didn't really feel too good about myself.  In the time we worked together, I more than doubled my income and lost 50 pounds (for a total of 102).  We had gotten close and (long story short) she rejected me.  During the initial rejection she surprised me with the fact that she was dating a guy in another state.  I remember texting her the day she was flying out to see him and she only mentioned she was heading to New York.  I still had the conversation and was amused when I saw the conversation.  I was about to ask who she was going to see and she ended the conversation.  I didn't accept her rejection and forced her to make it brutal.  She pretty much said I had no value as a man.  Being Game aware and from talking to mutual friends, I gather she was basically waiting till I had lost a little more weight before I was "Good enough" to be with her.  I also found out the mystery boyfriend was deploying overseas so she would have looked horrible breaking up with him right before he deployed to be with me.

That started a series of some pretty bad experiences.  For example, I joined a few social groups in order to make friends.  I had a lot of trouble with the guys there who seemed to take a pretty hostile towards me.  Again, being Game aware and months after the fact when I see it all on Facebook, I realized I was getting AMOGed by them because they were after the girls that were there. 

The next job I took put me in a new city in a small town where I was considered one of the rich folks.  It took me no effort at all to get that position and I was pretty free with that fact.  I hadn't realized it at the time, but I was rubbing my success in the face of the locals.  Where I worked was basically the only way to make it big in that area.  For example, the last two entry level positions had 400 applicants.  As you might imagine, with me being so nonchalant about getting the job I was pretty quickly ostracized by the locals and spent my weekends alone (my co-workers were typically 20+ years older than me and married).  It probably also didn't help that several married women were DTF, some of whom were pretty clear about that fact in front of their husbands.

That original rejection happened about 2 and 1/2 years ago.  It wasn't until I read your post that I realized I had internalized the idea that all of my improvements had actually made my life worse.  I've gained back 40 pounds of the 102 and can't get to a place intellectually to fight to lose weight or really go to the gym (I also got injured for awhile which didn't help).  Although I'm crushing it professionally, I've gone from feeling like a high Beta to feeling like an Omega.  I now rarely approach no matter how blatant the IOIs are.  I basically spend my time in my apartment alone in one of the richest areas of town playing video games. 

I hate feeling this way and I know it's stupid to have this fear.  I'm successful and my weight-loss has inspired others.  Feeling this way about myself, like she was right and I am a man with no value is stupid.  I was flirting with my version of an 8 a few weeks ago and she was responding pretty well.  So the guy that I was clearly does still exist.  I'm just too riddled with self-doubt and fear to find him again. 

So my question is, what do I do now? 

Move the fuck on. Ignore the fear, take the risks, and if you get shot down, get back up and go out there again. There is NOTHING to fear from getting shot down; getting shot down FASTER should be your goal.

There is nothing wrong with MC except the voice in his head. All he needs to do to live a better life is to ignore it. This sort of thing can happen to anyone, and the answer is to simply view it as a bad bounce, pick yourself up, and MOVE THE FUCK ON.

But the main thing is to IGNORE THE FEAR. Fear is the prison. Fear is the cage. And the worst thing is, it's a cage that you can literally walk out of any time you choose.

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