Post-divorce reality

A women who blew up her own marriage belatedly discovers that her husband isn't as unattractive to other women as he was to her:

Every time I have told someone about the divorce, all I hear is, "He will move on before you. The men always do." Or, "Oh the men need someone so he'll marry again before you do." Or, "Well you know...men get over these things quickly. The women stay alone."

I felt rattled by these words because based on every stranger, coworker and friend, women suffer through loneliness and men find happiness instantaneously. It was the fiftieth time in my life that I wished for a penis.

'Why is this?" I asked, angry at my supposed lot--the lot of the lonely woman.

And it wasn't just the lot of the lonely woman I had just received but the lot of amicable divorce turned sad, according to random psychics, I mean, strangers, coworkers, and friends.

"Wait til he finds a girlfriend. Oh that will be so hard on you."

Doomed. Doomed before we even stand in front of a judge and agree to be divorced.

I said no way. I said I would be OK. I could handle a girlfriend--least from a decent distance. There was no way I could crumble. I had this.

Of course, then I heard about him dating.

The words. When I knew, I felt as if someone had put a shotgun to my gut. That night I cried for most of the night. In fact, I am pretty sure I have just been random waterworks as if I were a pregnant lady ever since. If you aren't sure if it's me, see if the woman is crying. If yes, chances are it's me.

Everyone was right. He moved on first--I mean, I guess in terms of dating, more successfully. I have not dated successfully. It's not because I don't want to, but mostly because I hate online dating and let's face it: as a single mom in her late thirties with all married friends and who works all the time, when am I going to meet anyone else otherwise? And the few men I have lightly interacted with were not people that were on my same playing field. All in all, it's been a barren period.

I always find it remarkable how few women are capable of learning from the example of others when it comes to age, sex, and sexual market value. But I guess that makes sense; no one who regards himself as a special snowflake is ever going to be capable of grasping the simple concept that there, but for the grace of God, go I.

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